Bully, no more!
This morning I was all set on blogging about a new restaurant that my husband I recently tried out, but after a discussion that I had with my bus driver, which turned into a post as my Facebook status, which turned into a rather large discussion under that post. So as much as I would love to share with you the tastey bites I had at the quant little place in Gloucester, I’m gonna save it for another time…The new subject is more important.
Bully. How many of you, at some point in time in your life, have come across the path of a bully? I know that I sure have. When I was talking to my bus driver today, he was mentioning a group of band kids that take the bus every Monday. There is one teen that was being picked on by 3 other teens. My bus driver told them to knock it off, and now has the one teen stay up the front of the bus with him, where he can keep an eye on him and the others, and he can also talk with him, as this boy seems to not have a friend in the world. He is struggling with the fact that his father is very ill and in the hospital, and then he has to go to school and deal with these kids picking on him? And their reason for picking on him? His brain. He is a very inteligent kid, and I guess they feel better about themselves by doing this.
I went on line and mentioned some of my stories of being bullied as a teen regarding my weight. I was a size 12/14, you know, the size of the beautiful Marilyn Monroe… I had developed earlier than many of the other girls, and was bullied, made fun of, picked on, because of this. One such story… I just got these beautiful new shoes. Pointy toe velvet heels. I was so excited about these. I wore them to school, and on the first day I had them on, one of the boys asked me if I was afraid that my heels would snap under the pressure of all my weight… It didn’t stop there. I was constantly bullied by the same group of boys, who, when each boy was alone, they were sweet as pie to me, but when they were together, they were toxic. Another time I was told by one of my “friends” that they would take me to their school’s prom if I lost weight…
It was a rough few years, and I struggled with my self worth for a long time. Funny, I shared these stories on my Facebook today and was told by a few people that I was the person in school they WANTED to be friends with! That they never knew this about me, because I was always so kind and happy. I guess I put on a good face in the cloud of the circumstance. I always tried to make others feel comfortable, safe, and wanted. Am I perfect? Absolutely not.
My conversation on line brought out many friends and family telling their stories of how they, or someone they know was bullied. One friend told me that he was tortured by kids because they took his last name and twisted it to make fun of his sexuality. Another who said her child was told by another child they were going to beat him until he was dead. And yet another said her daughter was made fun of because of the color of her skin, and she is only about 6 or 7 years old..
Sadly, it is not just children who bully other children. It starts when adults bully children, they learn it somewhere. And it can spill over into adulthood. There are things about ourselves we can not change. And even if we can change some of them, that is something WE must make the choice to do. One of my favorite quotes in all the world comes from one of the most unique, excentric people of all time, drag-queen Ru Paul. She says, “What other people think of you is NONE of your business.” And it’s true! But it does hurt sometimes when they put you face to face with their own hurts and angers.
So let’s take those steps to stop bullying. Stick up for those who other wise can’t or won’t do it for themselves. Be-friend the underdog. Listen. And most importantly, watch what you say. You may think you are saying something in good fun, while the person you are saying it to is struggling.
And to those who bullied me, I forgive you. If not, your hatred would eat me up as it has eaten you.